Faith Rituals
Many religious traditions include beliefs, such as angels and the concept of Heaven or an afterlife. It important to recognize that for some autistic individuals, just as with non-autistic people, these may bring comfort, but for others, the abstract nature of these statements may seem illogical.
Religious themes can be helpful in understanding what happens after death, or they can be anxiety-provoking and confusing if the symbolic nature of religious themes is taken literally.
The more the autistic person knows about what to expect, the greater chance they have of being successful. It is supportive to have a plan in place in case the autistic person becomes overwhelmed. Sometimes just knowing there’s a safe space to go to or a ride home available can help an autistic person to cope better with new social experiences.
Here’s a brief summary of different faith rituals to help you prepare your loved one ahead of time.
Roman Catholic Faith
Rituals are an important part of Catholicism, and your loved one can be included in them all. They can be present for the Sacrament of the Sick (also called “last rites”), light candles at Mass, hold the beads of the Rosary, and be present for funerals. Hearing familiar prayers and songs—even if they do not speak or sing along—may create a sense of predictability and comfort—or they may not.
Protestant Faith
Protestants’ practices can vary widely, but rituals often offer the reminder of life after death through Jesus, usually involving renewing baptismal promises and through sharing communion. Themes of the steadfastness of God’s love, of grace as a gift we all receive, and the promise of resurrection can be important. Invite your loved one to participate in as many of the rituals as they feel comfortable with. And, as is true for Roman Catholics, hearing familiar prayers and songs as well as themes of love, promise, and presence can be very important.
Jewish Faith
For Jewish people, burial happens soon after death. Families may come together to sit shiva after the funeral, as they are comforted by friends and families who often bring food. Be certain that, if your loved one with autism is participating in shiva, they have the opportunity to take breaks, as all the socialization can feel overwhelming. Shiva can also provide a wonderful opportunity for inclusion if the individual with autism participates by sharing a story or memory of the deceased. As with many other rituals during the COVID-19 pandemic, virtual Shivas became very common and may likely continue, as a way to include even more family and friends. Lighting a candle for immediate family and on the anniversary (yahrzeit) or visiting the cemetery and placing a small stone on the grave are part of Jewish customs. One year later there is also the unveiling when the headstone is placed at the gravesite. Focusing on themes of God’s promises, the strength of the Jewish community, and the lessons learned from the deceased can be helpful.
Islamic Faith
For people of the Islamic faith, burials happen very soon after death, most often in the location where the death occurred (even if that is far from home). Adults with autism can choose to be involved in all aspects of the process, from helping to wash and prepare the body, to draping white cloths, to attending the graveside service. Themes of closeness to Allah, the presence of angels, and receiving blessings in paradise may be particularly helpful.
Secular Rituals
Being non-religious doesn’t mean forgoing ritual at the time of death. In fact, having a ceremony of some kind may be useful in helping to mark the passage of the person’s life. Focusing on memories of the person who has died and having mementos from their life are concrete ways to honor them and provide opportunities to include the adult with autism. Themes of lifting one another up in grief, as well as remembering what the person taught us, can be helpful themes to explore.